Gone Fiction-ing

I’ve had me a girl-interrupted turn these last few months. When your life comes to a full stop for a considerable period of time it’s hard to pick up the threads of the life you had before, as they seem to have drifted off in the wind somewhere. This is both liberating and disorientating.

winding_riverWe tend to run on habit and routine, losing that can mean a loss of our sense of self and security; but there’s also the opportunity to “start fresh” because you are so far gone bailing on any commitments you may have made. You are faced with deciding to do things because they really matter to you, for who you are right now, not who you were months or years ago when you first fell into that routine.

For me, this time, I am finding this more a refinement than the drastic course corrections I did in my 20’s (and even 30’s) whenever I got derailed. I must be getting closer to figuring out who I am and what I’m about in this world if I’m not tacking all over the course any more.

So, what’s changed? What stays the same? I definitely still suffer from All The Things, so now more than ever I am putting an: interesting, but letting it go on a bunch of stuff. I’m still deeply curious about the What It’s All About, and spend a lot of time thinking about suffering, vulnerability, relationships and interdependence, but I’ve grown all quiet inside again and want to approach that obliquely. It just feels like anything really worth saying on the subject needs to be said with something other than words. More doing, less thinking.

The words I do feel like writing right now aren’t mine, rather the stories of characters who explore the world on their own terms with their own struggles and insights. I feel drawn to writing fiction more now than I ever have before, and because this girl has only got so much brain I’m stepping back a bit from the care and feeding of my website. I’ll still be checking comments and may even drop in once in a while for updates, or insights, or just some utter bloody silliness.

In the meantime, if it’s quiet on here, I’m still around, I’ve just gone fiction-ing.

Feeling Suicidal?

Suffering is character building, I talked about that a lot in the Storm Chasers post, we grow as human beings with what we are forced to go through. But sometimes the suffering, whatever the source, is too much to bear. Too much to live through, quite frankly. If you are pushing at the boundaries of what you can bear (or left that line behind long ago) I have three very important things to tell you, so listen up… Continue reading

Creativity as Dreaming – wisdom on needing, and a rant about dating

Have you ever not known how badly you needed something, until you finally got it? I had that kind of weekend, a lot of gratitude tears were shed. I’ve always been a make-do sort of girl, ’cause life doesn’t always throw you what you want. It took me a long time to make friends with my needs. I had a mentor, used to always say to me: how’s your neediness today? When I stopped getting angry when she asked that I knew I was finally okay with the part of me that knew I couldn’t do it alone.

Funny thing owning up to your needs, it doesn’t guarantee you’ll automatically get them met. So THAT pissed me off for a while.
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