As a parallel to the Thousand Searches poem, which seems to have got a lot of people thinking, if not commenting, I’m posting an excerpt from 100 Days (the book I accidently wrote, next time I’ll write one on purpose!). Exploring that same idea of really looking at yourself:
…At some point I finally just sat down and stared at myself in the mirror. Really looked at myself. I started by realizing the face was somehow unfamiliar, like I really didn’t know who it was staring back at me. It’s funny, considering how often we look in the mirror, that we never really see ourselves. At least for me the mirror is the place I see what my hair is doing, investigate that blemish, check for food in my teeth. But instead, to really look at yourself, the way you would look at a new lover, or a dear friend who’s moving away. Gaze following the line and shape of a face, allowing the form to become familiar, to connect the sight with what you feel and know about that person.
Very weird thing to go through that process with yourself. I was struck by the soft beauty of my face, and felt tenderness for the sadness and struggle showing there. That feeling made me smile, and watching myself smile lit me up inside. Stunning, amazing, almost too much for words (and frankly I’m feeling a little bashful about it all, like I’m afraid I’ll be teased for my new crush). Feeling like I’d made friends with myself again, I could go to bed with some sense of peace and contentment.
That sentiment was still there when I woke up this morning, was with me as I went for an early morning run, and even stayed with me for my meditation. That sensation is still with me now. Perhaps this time it will stay with me for a few days, so I can relax and enjoy the beauty of the day and build up some momentum for the next phase.
Really looking… try it and tell me what you think.
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