As a parallel to the Thousand Searches poem, which seems to have got a lot of people thinking, if not commenting, I’m posting an excerpt from 100 Days (the book I accidently wrote, next time I’ll write one on purpose!). Exploring that same idea of really looking at yourself:
…At some point I finally just sat down and stared at myself in the mirror. Really looked at myself. I started by realizing the face was somehow unfamiliar, like I really didn’t know who it was staring back at me. It’s funny, considering how often we look in the mirror, that we never really see ourselves. At least for me the mirror is the place I see what my hair is doing, investigate that blemish, check for food in my teeth. But instead, to really look at yourself, the way you would look at a new lover, or a dear friend who’s moving away. Gaze following the line and shape of a face, allowing the form to become familiar, to connect the sight with what you feel and know about that person.
Very weird thing to go through that process with yourself. I was struck by the soft beauty of my face, and felt tenderness for the sadness and struggle showing there. That feeling made me smile, and watching myself smile lit me up inside. Stunning, amazing, almost too much for words (and frankly I’m feeling a little bashful about it all, like I’m afraid I’ll be teased for my new crush). Feeling like I’d made friends with myself again, I could go to bed with some sense of peace and contentment.
That sentiment was still there when I woke up this morning, was with me as I went for an early morning run, and even stayed with me for my meditation. That sensation is still with me now. Perhaps this time it will stay with me for a few days, so I can relax and enjoy the beauty of the day and build up some momentum for the next phase.
Really looking… try it and tell me what you think.
Part of a Valentine’s double header (I’ll post an article tomorrow), as comfort and entertainment for all you single folk on this most baneful of days, starting a poetic thread of favourite break-up songs. So many juicy ones to choose from…earlier in the week I’d settled on Bush’s Glycerine if for no other reason than the reverb on the guitar gets you right in the gut (the place that needs the most tending after a break-up) but I think it captures the complexity of feelings with some juicy lyrics like: “I needed you more when we wanted us less, could not kiss, just regress…”
But… someone sent me a link to a song that seems to sum up my whole romantic life, and made me laugh, so it’s made the list for new favourite break-up song, and for strange reasons (well, you might think it’s strange, in my mind it makes perfect sense). Mandisa’s Only the World. Part of the lyrics:
Been a hard one, been a bad one
Been a tough one, been a sad one
It’s been one of those days
That keeps chipping away at my heart
Nothing new here, it’s what I do here
It’s a stereotypical day in the life
I’m surrounded by all of the pain and the strife
But I know it’s alright
Cause it’s only the world I’m living in
It’s only today I’ve been given
There ain’t no way I’m giving in
Cause it’s only the world
.
What cracks me up is the idea, it’s only the world. And maybe this strikes me so much ’cause I’d just been re-reading an excerpt by 8th century Hindu thinker Sankara:“Those who are illumined by the knowledge ‘I am Braham’ renouce their attachement to this apparent universe. It is certain these illumined ones live in constant union with Brahman, the pure blissful consciousness” – from The Crest-Jewel of Discrimination. Aside from what he is saying about non-duality, I love the term apparent universe. It’s only the world, and that shit ain’t real, so how can you posssibly take it seriously? Which is really funny if you think about it.
But, I digress…break-up songs. Feel free to include links to youtube-esque places so people can check out the song (my links are imbedded with the song titles) and your favourite part of the lyrics (it’s okay to slip in a bit of philosophy too). Alright, lets get jiggy with the blues and have a laugh, it’s only the world…
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