Valerie Roney

Day 2….woo-hoo! Things are going really well. Don’t worry my pretties, there’s still 98 days to go, there will be angst. But right now there’s flow, and excitement, so I’m just going to roll with that.

I remember a friend telling tales of his youth, and a cross country motorcycle trip. He told of the moment, pulling out of a gas station just out of town, facing the highway and knowing that was the moment of choice: turn back home to the comfort of what he’d know, or turn out onto the highway and commit to a trip he didn’t know how he’d manage. He took that turn out onto the open road, and through times of being broke and broken down, what he needed always seemed to come his way. For him it was a lesson in commitment, the way the world will get behind you and help you out if you are willing to take the risk, stop thinking about it, and just buy in. JUMP!

I think I’m enjoying a bit of that universal support after taking a leap yesterday; got a feeling of flow, watching things just click, help popping up where I least expect it (gratitude!). I’m sure all those obstacles I’ve been butting up against are still there, but today I don’t care, today I’m just going to enjoy the things I’m excited about.

And one of the things I’m excited about is protospace. I’ve gotten myself hooked up with a hacker community (please don’t think chain-smoking Russians trying to steal your credit card info, think a whole swack of MacGyver-esque people who will take apart, build, or re-purpose anything they can get their hands on = a really phenomenal community). After coming across them rather accidentally, I heard that niggling voice in my soul say – go HERE, do THIS. now considering the last time I felt I really knew my way around a computer was junior high, I couldn’t fathom why I would think hanging out with a bunch of computer/tech geeks would be a good idea. But it was.

I *heart* soldering! I don’t know what else hanging out at protospace will bring me, but already it has brought me great joy in soldering. And the remembrance of something crucial to my sense of peace and well being that has been missing from my life. The creation of the tangible. From landscaping to theatre tech to flower arranging, I’ve found a deep sense of peace in those times of great focus, and great satisfaction in being able to step back and say: I did that!

So much of what’s going on in my life now is intangible – connections on the internet, vague sense of improvement in my health but no real measurable differences in what it means for my life, growing sense of competencies in both writing and drumming – all good, but no real sense of Ta! Da! (though that moment when you finally nail a samba break is pretty sweet; sweet, but gone in a moment… and back to the groove).  Intangible. Now I can step back from a soldering iron and say: I made that! Yes, it doesn’t actually do anything ’cause I’m just learning to solder, but something exists that didn’t before, and I’m now really excited about making stuff that actually does stuff. Reminiscent of my  flower shop days creating with floral wire and hot glue – now I’ve got circuits and wires and when I’m done, it won’t just look pretty, it will WORK (yes, I believe that).

I don’t know if hanging out at protospace will do a single thing for the stuff I think I’m stuck on, but I do know I feel inspired, excited, and so much more grounded (yes I’ll take that pun, thankyouverymuch) when I’m there. For all my sense of confusion and frustration right now, I may still not know where I’m going, but I do know I belong right were I am.