Whew. Well that’s much better.
Started my day off with a great desire to just crawl out of my own skin and walk out of my life (if I could have just figured out some way to take my coffee with me). Cat spitting air punching mad at everything.Frustrated and chomping at the bit. Definitely a hard headspace to sit down and meditate with.
So I didn’t, I took all that energy and moved with it. A sabre set in the park – if I was feeling spiritually combative, then swinging a weapon around seemed like the thing to do. And it was. Even if it’s in slow motion, it is a martial art – cutting and blocking and turning and hitting, and I needed that today. To swing and hit against everything I feel is containing me, holding me back. Except because it’s slow, there’s a gentleness to it, a chance to pull and stretch at that tight leash (maybe get a little breathing room) rather than leaping and yoinking against it, crashing down and getting no where.
And the set shifted for me, away from the martial art towards the tai chi of it: turning stretching opening relaxing. That energy I thought was going to erupt out if me in fury was now just moving easily. Quieted, gentled. Grounded. (bare feet in grass always helps that too!)
I went out swing, powerless to do anything else. I came back peaceful, having let that warrior heart flail away til she was spent. Swung my sabre ’til I’d made room for peace.
2 thoughts on “Day 6 – weapons of peace”
I don’t have tai chi to draw on. But I used to get very emotional while dancing. Now dancing is different – I’ve tried to go back to that intensity, but emotions really come and go. Like your anger. Not there to pin down, even though part of the anger wants to last forever.
Maybe it’s not always helpful for me to be aware of my emotions. It’s helpful to be aware if I’m getting sad, getting angry, while listening to a song or telling a story, etc. I like being aware of my likes, dislikes, preferences. It helps to be aware of my guilt. But laughter is ungraspable. Often it’s not useful to me to be aware of my dread, droop towards sadness, melancholy, or fear. More useful to sweep past unaware.
It’s wonderful to notice if I’m happy and add a layer by watching my happiness, perhaps another layer of seeing how it works, savour, prolong, then a further layer of talking, writing or drawing about it later. Often it’s good to linger over my sorrow too.
I want to be more curious, more interested, I’m not sure how to cultivate that. I know it would be good to be aware of my dreams, longings, and wistfulness, but it’s hard.
Ewww…. I’ve always hated the feeling of bare feet in grass!!!
Give me bare feet in sandy beach… or bare feet on a hot pool deck just before jumping in.