Day 9 – shit happens, let go

Upon entering today’s title – which was meant to be two separate, though related ideas – I’m suddenly struck with a rather evocative (and revolting) visual. My first response is: Ew, Valerie…drop the turd. But on second thought it may actually reveal a deeper wisdom.

On the topic of poop, I feel like crap today. And unlike the crappiness of earlier in the week I could blame on that fine Protospace beer, there’s no reason for me to feel like crap today. I’ve been doing all the right things, pacing myself, eating well, avoiding the things that make me worse. No matter, today…crap.

Today I’m painfully aware of the fact life is a chaotic, random sort of thing, and a whole lot of what we think we are in control of, would like to be in control of, we’re simply not. The one thing we’re ever really in control of is how we respond to what life hurls at us. Just gotta roll with it.

So today I’m thinking a lot about Bob Loblaw’s comment on yesterday’s post about that monkey holding on and getting his hand stuck [re-insert visual of me vehemently holding on to a fistful of poop…yuck]. I could get uptight about feeling like crap, and all the things I’m not going to be able to do today, or I could just let go…

Remember the moment… granted my first thought is: yeah, but I feel like crap in THIS moment. But if I take a step back, THIS moment: I’m at home, I’m safe (and with the right mix of meds I’m comfortable). I’ve got a cozy couch with a view of trees and sky. If this is the moment I’ve got to be in, it’s not such a bad one. If I let go.

Shit happens, if I can let go, it’s maybe not so shitty after all.

2 thoughts on “Day 9 – shit happens, let go

  1. Even though I don’t meditate much lately, it’s hard to imagine what if I’d never meditated. It’s changed me. I was talking with a friend who wants to try meditation, realizing, oh, I do know something. Techniques and reassurances.

    We were hiking and he talked about wanting to meditate in and on nature, in the most spectacular places. I realized my relationships with wilderness, and with nonhumans, is different. Listening, being present, honoured, sometimes being overwhelmed. Yet bringing myself present, so that I can have matter to matter, being to being, or human to matter/ being/ specific entity, or even myself in all particulars to matter/ being/ specific entity. I’m being myself, taking responsibility for myself. (Although sometimes I am the speed of my skis.) If I’m overwhelmed I can lose track of myself, but it is myself that’s overwhelmed.

    Meditation doesn’t usually feel like relationship to me. Lots about being outside is also not about my relationship with wilderness.

    Who knows, maybe my complacency will be blown all to hell. I also think that individuals’ experiences of meditation vary greatly.


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