It occurs to me, there might be more peace in my life if I minded my own business more. Not that I’m an interfering busybody so much as I may have an over developed sense of empathy. I’m saddened to see other people suffering (especially when their monkey mind has got them on the ropes), and I’m often cautious about acting in ways that will hurt or upset people.
Forgetting of course, some of the best lessons I’ve learned have arisen from times I’ve been upset or deeply hurt. Who am I to try and shelter people from those experiences?
Now, I wince at just typing that idea, afraid some self-absorbed insensitive nutbar is going to read that and consider it license to go out there and be an utter asshole. Except of course, the self-absorbed and insensitive aren’t reading this website, and if they did happen upon it, their eyes would have glazed over by Day 3. And people with a propensity for ass-hattery are already well on their way and need no encouragement from me.
Righteousness was always a hot-button Christian term for me, chocked full of use by the arrogant and judgemental, it’s lost the heart of the idea, which is right-ness. A sense of being in accord with “God’s will” which is really just the natural way of the unfolding, following what your soul directs, not letting the monkey drive the bus.
Now I know I’ve cleared away enough crap that I’m moving in accord with things most of the time – aside from when I have to let myself just get sucked into the drama (though maybe that’s allowing myself to be in the right flow at the right time too). Or as Randy said in one of my favourite episodes of My Name is Earl: sometimes Karma needs a fist. So why would I be spending any time doubting my actions, worried about how other people are going to respond to me, what impact that will have on them?
We are all connected, every action I take ripples out from me – who says that’s a bad thing? I’m moving in accord with my soul. Doing the best I can and making my own way. And right now I’m doing that rather publicly as well. It’s absolutely going to have an impact on people. But one I can’t control and that is none of my business.
Karma certainly is very good at turning around and biting me in the ass when I step off that path, reminding me when I have been self-absorbed and insensitive. But the rest of the time, it’s my job to simply be accountable to myself and the voice of my own soul. The people who are suffering, struggling, twisted up with their mental monkeys are doing their own messy, painful soul-work. Who am I to interfere with that, to think they shouldn’t be suffering? I’ve needed that pain to get to the point, why should anybody else be any different?
Blah, blah, I’m talking in circles trying to grasp a new concept, but I think it’s a juicy one. Bear with me.
If there was any theme developing for this 100 day project, at present I would say it was about leaning to be at peace with not being at peace, and learning to be at peace with other people not being at peace.
And that is definitely worth exploring.
2 thoughts on “Day 19 – minding my own business”
Oh, I have a hard time, especially right now, being “at peace with not being at peace”. As much as I hate to admit it, I can’t help but secretly long for that magic button, which, when I push it, will make me happier/calmer/peaceful/more thankful/braver/clearer/more tolerant/less lost. When you go searching for ‘peace’, expecting to find it, only to be bitch-slapped in the face with a giant trout as you’re told “Guess what? Real peace is found in accepting that things are imperfect, and you, little miss imperfect, just have to deal with it” makes me want to scream/cry/rip things/throw stuff, etc.
But you sit. And it makes me want to.
I got accosted on the street once by some well dressed young men, offering me peace. As I’d already been walking some time with the sun on my back and smile on my face I simple said: I’m already feeling pretty peaceful, thanks.
He continued to persue me, said: But you could be MORE peaceful!
That stopped me in my tracks. Wow, you really don’t get it, do you?
Yep Shannoetry, you’re right, things are perfectly imperfect just as they are. That’s peace. You should google the term Wabi Sabi. That idea alone has helped me let go of a lot.