Well, today’s the first day in about 2 weeks I don’t feel like utter crap. It was getting really discouraging, day in and day out, with utterly no energy. Trying to keep a hold on the things that really mattered to me, while letting go of a lot of expectations of myself in the meantime.
Not so today. Finally got a bit of bounce in my step (and in my soul) so life just seems a little bit easier. Funny to try and sit when I’m feeling bouncy – after all that time couch-bound sitting still sure wasn’t exciting to me. It got me more familiar with bouncy monkey mind rather than the angsty monkey, though. Rather than stewing in my own juices, my brain was happily bouncing around all of the things I’d rather be doing….than sitting. Still managed to pull off a few focused moments in there, but good reminder, just ’cause you’re happy doesn’t mean you’re not still in your head rather than in the moment.
And in this moment, I’m realizing nothing’s really changed from yesterday, I’m still stuck… but I don’t care (that meditation is good for something). I’m stuck in some really good company. I’ve heard back from so many people about the ways they are relating to the tales I’m telling here, the stuff they’re stuck on, and what they’re doing about it (check out Zarquil, Darren, and Shannoetry‘s tales!).
I realized yesterday after working on some Sambafied stuff, and then meeting up with some Protospace people at Endeavor Arts for a Geek Movie Night, I’m also hanging out with organizations much in the same boat as me. Trying to break through to another level. Protospace is still trying to put down roots, connect, grow and figure out where they’re going. Samba‘s got a great core and on the verge of just busting out in Calgary. Pioneering, changing the world, bringing something new, pushing up against limits and obstacles. Just aching to bust through.
Don’t know what draws me to organizations like this, or what brings that energy to what I get involved in, or maybe it’s just transference, me seeing in these groups what I’m going through myself. But it sure seems this stuck-ness and bounding on the verge permeates every aspect of my life. And that’s interesting….
But not too interesting. I’m still stuck, but right now I’ve got things to do. Don’t know where any of those things will lead, but in this moment, they’re the things to do. So I’m off!
I’ll leave you all with this loving song dedication:
Valerie Roney 