Further to what I wrote on life widening and deepening and balloons: you know what expands balloons? Space.
One of the consequences of my being so sick the last few weeks has been a sleep schedule that’s a little out of whack. Now that I’ve perked up, I’m not able to wind down ’til after 2am. Now, many years of dealing with insomnia have taught me to let go of trying to be productive at night, even if I’m awake. My body may not be sleeping, but I can give it gentle reminders to rest anyway – demonstrate this is night time, quiet time, guide it back to actually sleeping at night.
So, being awake ’til 2am – but smart enough to turn the computer off before midnight, has left me with a couple of hours of downtime. Some quiet spaciousness in my life. I’ve been filling it with slow songs from my ipod, stretched out on the couch in the dark… just listening… and pondering. Letting all that stuff I’m working on just roll through my head without any effort to actually think about it, or try an solve anything. Just digesting it all.
And I think that’s a good part of why I’ve been able to maintain this sense of peace for as long as I have. Because even though my energy has picked up a bit, thanks to the insomnia I’m still slowed down, still have some quiet space and room to breathe in my life. just gotta remember to continue to find a place for that when the sleep gets straightened out.
And my thanks to Shannoety‘s blog post for reminding me how important it is to set up your life so it has a little space!
2 thoughts on “Day 25 – s p a c e”
Oh, thanks! I’m glad that that in all my rambling, you found something even a little valuable :)
As often, I’ve been reading until I find something that speaks nicely to me today. I just sent someone off on the bus instead of driving them. After 2 days of funeral activities… my thoughts are most of all on grieving loved ones, more than the loss for me.
Hmm, space. Nature expands me, I know. Which involves space between human being and nonhuman being. As well as a lack of control. And so much more, wonder, sensation, appreciation. Meditation sometimes expands me.
I find it hard to eat in this aftermath of others’ emotions and my emotions mixed with denial. I can’t tell where my stomach’s at. I fear that food will move me farther away. At least I can ignore the workday world tonight.