Well allergy season is now in full assault, and while I don’t get “normal” allergies, this time of year wreaks havoc on the chronic fatigue. So between that and already being worn out from the samba gigs, my fuckedupitudeness is pretty much at maximum.
So, suddenly my priorities and goals have shifted dramatically. Heavily weighted in the: illness management, have I got food in the house, and God help me from dying of boredom while I’m laid up vein.
It’s a good reminder to be gentle with myself, be loving towards myself. Make my quality of life in THIS moment my number one priority. So I do that. I’ve been here before. For all my angst of expanding, risking, hoping, I get a short reprieve from that. THIS is familiar, THIS I know how to handle.
So I crash, I collapse, I contract inwards for a while. Circle in, gather resources, wait it out, until the next big opening. And feel some gratitude for the work I’ve been doing the last few weeks, building the capacity to be at peace with feeling like crap. I’ve got precious little energy right now, glad I’m not wasting much on arguing with reality.
So clearly I’ve learned something in 27 days.
One thought on “Day 27 – CRASH!”
It’s time like this; when you are at peace with feeling lousy, that a deep beauty shines through. Surrender can be that sword edge between strength and vulnerability. It holds both in balance.
It’s so great to see you balance that sword with such grace. I’ve watched, over the years, how you’ve gone from struggling and railing against your sick episodes to times like today where you are able to just be.
You are so awesome in your beingness. I feel blessed to be a witness.