So, apparently turning inwards involves housework. I had a fuck that shit moment last night. Since my sleep schedule got out of whack I’ve been practicing good sleep hygiene and not doing much after midnight; at least resting if I’m not sleeping. The night before last was some of the perkiest I’d been in a while; but aside from taking notes on all the cool 10,000 Views Party stuff that was churning in my head, I was laying low, staying quiet, willing to leave all that action for when I got up the next day.
Except when I got up the next day I felt like shit (man, I think I hate that more than anything, feeling more tired getting up than I did going to bed, that’s just nuts!). So when my energy level picked up again last night, and while I did have the good sense to walk away from the computer shortly after midnight, I walked into my still uncleaned kitchen and said fuck that shit to the idea of resting and leaving stuff ’til tomorrow when I may not be able to function tomorrow. Right now I can function. So let’s have at ‘er!
I’ve been guiltily thinking about that Sit Down to Eat piece I wrote ages ago, and as I moved around my apartment I realized it was almost impossible to sit down to eat without dealing with a pile of Very Important stuff somewhere I just didn’t have the mental energy to think about (especially before having something to eat!). At best I would drag a high stool over to the couch and set my food on that, but still…maybe pulling off a C minus in life management.
Three hours later not only was my kitchen clean, tabletops that haven’t seen the light of day since Christmas are clear, and I’ve got a sack full of old books to take to the second hand shop. Best part is, when I finally did get to sleep, I slept soundly and wasn’t up much later than I would have been otherwise. And I get to wake up to a house I can relax in, not just do what I have to to survive, then flee the scene.
If I’m going to turtle, my shell just got a whole lot more comfortable. There’s some room to breathe here now. I don’t feel so overwhelmed anymore. When you’re sucking at basic life management, it’s hard to believe you can actually accomplish anything substantial in your life. Having conquered several piles of chaos I thought were almost beyond me makes me feel like I could do anything! …including my taxes – now where is that pile of papers?