So, I’ve been watching a lot of movies in my downtime. Too dreary outside, and brain still too fried to read much. It helps if you watch movies that aren’t too mentally challenging, hence Bull Durham. Though I put the French subtitles on to see if I couldn’t osmose a second language – I think I’ll get very good at swearing if nothing else (in case I ever run out of English words).
Right, so Bull Durham isn’t just a movie about sex and baseball, and a bit of Walt Whitman thrown in, it is very profound insight into the emotional lives of men (at least my addle minded, drug induced state was pretty amazed). Now what I found fascinating in this movie was a guy could have a meltdown: hurling chairs and jockstraps, and the guys around him would just calmly stand and watch. When it was all spent and the fellow had settled, he’d say something casual, pragmatic, and not even remotely related to what he’d just had a fit about, like: “So, batting practice is at two tomorrow?” And everybody would just kinda carry on from there. Fascinating. No: hey sorry, kinda lost it for a moment; no: dude what was that all about? Everybody just minding their own business, letting a guy do what he’s got to and moving on.
Now if a chick was there she’d be right in with the: what’s going on with with you? are you okay? do you want to talk about it? how can I help? Immediately followed by what she’s feeling about how he’s feeling. A lot of discussion and communicating about what just happened.
No so with the boys. And as I’m learning more about minding my own business and letting people just work out their own stuff, I think they may be on to something here. Having a blowout (and providing they’re letting go not just stuffing it) and moving on without a lot of analysis – or any other action at all, seems a pretty enlightened thing to me.
Women often feel it’s their role to help men navigate emotional waters, as it seems foreign territory for them. And sure, there’s something to be said for learning to soften more, risk and express a bit. But men have got some shit figured out too, and I think they’ve got something to teach us about minding our own business and giving people the space to deal with their own stuff, in whatever manner they see fit. And that’s a pretty valuable lesson to learn.
Who says I’m not learning valuable life lessons while flaked out on the couch?
One thought on “Day 44 – relationship insights from Bull Durham”
This is a definite lesson for me. Leaving people to figure out their own stuff. I’m so quick to offer hugs, words of reflection and experience, even if it is unwanted. I feel puzzled when a friend just wants to be left alone. That’s foreign to me. I forget others don’t necessarily need company to commiserate with. It’s a compulsion with me to want to help and it’s only recently that I’ve tried to release myself and others from this compulsion.
Maybe I should watch more movies, especially guy flicks. I should get a list from you Valerie.