Buckle up readers, you’re about to take a ride on the tangent train…
So my world these days is surrounded by really smart people, and a lot of really smart men. There’s one fellow in my life I absolutely adore, brilliant, kind-hearted, grounded, really easy to be with. And VERY young – young enough to be well eliminated by the creepy age difference formula of half your age plus seven. So, in a state of drug-addled sentimentality last night I realized if I’d made a baby in high school, he would have gown into this man by now.
Except, thinking about the guys I might have made babies with in high school, none of them were near smart enough to have bred this man. As an aside, when I was getting to the end of my high school years and daunted by all the choices ahead of me, my Dad’s sole advice: “You have the capacity to do whatever you decide you want to do, just don’t get pregnant.” Lookit me, doing Daddy proud! And based on what I was attracted to at 17, it’s a good thing I followed papa’s advice.
’cause I’ve been thinking, what exactly made for an attactive guy when I was that age? My recollections sadly do not reflect well on me. When I try and recall the boys I would have had “the hots” for, I can’t remember much of substance that was drawing me.
I can remember guys I had fun with, guys that were good at charming me, guys whose bum looked good in a pair of levis. but I can’t for the life of me recall what the big deal was at the time. And it was a big deal: if he looked at me, if he talked to me, if he called me. My head spun with thoughts of some boy I can’t at present think of as having a single really engaging quality. Women may be nuts, but teenaged girls are absolute idiots.
At the time the only common denomiators in my attraction would prehaps have been that the fellow was uncommon, even then I seemed to like somebody that was residing at the pointy end of the bell curve. I might be able to redeem my teenage character a bit by noting I, on occasion, was drawn to someone who seemed to have some capacity for depth (though that developed more in my late teens and early twenties). I was just as likely to fall for some guy because he could play the guitar or turn his eyelids inside out.
but not now, now a big brain is a hot commodity. Nerd is the new sexy. A unique and invigorating mind is a yummy yummy thing (okay this whole tangent is making me feel weird because the other half of my brain is composing a zombie love story and all this talk of braaaaains is distracting). I can remember dating a fella; taking a lovely romantic walk in the woods and talking philosophy, politics, economics, karma. At some point in this intellectual discourse, I just had to interject: “okay that is totally hot, we need to make out.”
I can still remember a line from Neville Shute’s A Town Like Alice: “They spent the afternoon making love and talking economics.” That’s LOVE baby. Love of the nerdiest kind, and I dig it.
I hadn’t been thinking about it much lately, I’ve had so much exciting and interesting stuff going on in my life, but I’d started this 100 day project pondering dating and attraction and exploring what drives and motivates me, and I’ve been reminded a good portion of what drives attraction for me is a unique and lively mind.
I saw it arise the other night, hanging out with some smart guys just talking shit. But the shit we were talking about was nerdy. And watching this guy’s face light up with utter joy about string theory, ancient civilizations, being completely floored by the idea of mobius strips; I’m watching all that, chipping in where I can, but mostly just sitting back and thinking: “Damn that’s sexy!”
So, for any teenage guys out there reading this (and if you are a teenaged guy reading this, drop me a line ’cause I’d be surprised as hell you’re following this site) take heart, those hormone addled girls you’re dealing with now, they will grow into women with some measure of sense. Women who will really dig what you’ve got to offer.
Be yourself, the chicks will come around. Nerd is the new sexy, Justin Beiber’s got nothing on you!