So, after doing the WRONG thing for 83 days, I now have 17 days to come to terms with over two decades of chronic illness (with acceptance not resignation) and find a way to build a meaningful life within my limitations.
Nothing like a hot deadline to motivate a girl!
I think I’ll start by… napping.
Aw, c’mon it’s funny. Just because I’m a mess and my life has fallen apart doesn’t mean I can’t still enjoy a delicious bit of irony. (if you’re not laughing right now, you need some Florence Frickin’ Nightingale)
And clearly I’ve got my sense of humor back, so I’m gonna be just fine.
And also ’cause it’s funny: I was driving to the vitamin store today to get some licorice extract to try and jump start my adrenals – so exhausted I can barely sit upright, and this song comes on the stereo:
“I have…. very…. bad posture”
Yeah, me too Kurt, me too.
2 thoughts on “Day 84 – DEADLINES!!!”
And now for a non-sequiter. Well, it’s a response to your twitter feed, I’m not sure where to put that. I applaud your sidewalk chalking from a distance. A considerable and theoretical distance. I read your quick 140 characters and feel squirmy and mad wistful and like a bad person and physically choked (not quite the emotional sense of the word, just, my throat.) Uncomfortable.
Thank you for repeatedly mentioning sidewalk chalking. I’ve just now really made this discomfort conscious and figured out why. I spearheaded a couple of days of publicly sidewalk chalking before, some of it activist. A decade plus ago. Always while I was soberly high, in the high low cycles immediately before I went crazy. Come to think of it, also the day I went crazy, before the bad scarey trauma part. (Crazy, in this case, meaning being hypomanic and then further having a physically dangerous, near psychotic evening. A lot like a bad trip, I surmise from talking to people who used LSD. Bad, like resulting in mild PTSD for a little while after.) Baggage, shame, responsibility, unspeakability, sighhhhh.
So I wonder if that bars me for life now (from sidewalk chalking?) You’re all welcome to vote an answer to that question.
(Yes, I scrambled my moniker on purpose.)
I think you should go out there and write love notes on the sidewalk to the person you were then. Someone else is probably walking the streets right now and really needing to hear it too.