So, I’ve a friend just starting to get into online dating, which has caused and new budding branch to our usual conversation. This afternoon we got talking about pick-up lines, awkward moments, and those weird things you end up saying. So I told her about the time I asked a guy if he wanted to smell my fruitcake.
Now this wasn’t actually a pick up line (though I might keep it in reserve) it was just one of those things that comes out of your mouth before you realize what exactly it is you’ve just said.
I had a friend at Christmas last year, was going to be spending it alone. I invited him to come stay with me – because I believe nobody should have to spend Christmas alone, not when you can spend it awkwardly with other people’s relatives! So he did, it was low key and did involve him coming to my Aunt and Uncle’s for turkey dinner (people will put up with a lot of weirdness for the big bird). And yeah, there was a low grade, background weirdness as my family was trying to figure out who this guy was and why I’d brought him to dinner (nobody ever believes that “just friends” thing).
Now a few days before Christmas I had to cut all flour and sugar out of my diet (that Christmas will be forever known as The Snap Pea Christmas). For any of you who have done this, you’ll know I was still going through the sugar DT’s when Christmas hit. Brutal. Having wicked sugar cravings when it’s being passed around all over the place. My aunt, who has long since given up on really guessing what I might want for Christmas (and really, I’m not 8 anymore) gave me a gift bag full of her holiday baking and sweets.
So I took those little treasures out one by one, enjoying the idea of them and trying not to weep. Shortbread….jam jams…. and wrapped in cello: this exquisite chunk of dark, rich fruitcake. I held it to my nose, breathed in the warm sweetness of it… mmm. Shoved it in my friend’s face, and in the spirit of sharing asked:
Wanna smell my fruitcake?
He didn’t say a word. He just cocked his head and raised one eyebrow. I burst out laughing.
And that was probably the weirdest thing I’ve ever said to a man (aside from that Canadian Tire thing) and I wasn’t even trying to pick him up.
Now because laughter’s the best medicine (and I’m needing me lots of that these days) and sharing is good, it’s your turn – I want to hear your awkward, weird, oh my God I can’t believe he/she/I said that stories…