So, my latest health adventure is my adrenals seem to be coming back online – though in fits and starts. Mostly this means I get the adrenal rush of fight or flight response out of nowhere. An ohmyGodohmyGodohmyGod alert for no bloody reason which leaves me wound up beyond belief.
My acupuncturist has given me some homework to help alleviate this energy crashing at the gate of vitality or whatever he called it after sticking twenty needles in my ass. 10 minutes a day of consciously circulating this energy so it doesn’t bung up, flare up, and freak me out. It’s great!
It’s been a rough week. Being really sick is surprisingly easy, in it’s own weird way – at least the things-to-do list is simple, not a lot of complex decisions. Being stupid and taking on too much and wearing myself out is also rather easy (though not recommended). What is very bleeding hard is BALANCE – plugging back in but still taking it easy, making careful choices about how to expend my energy and figuring what to let go of (or what not to grab hold of in the first place).
What I’m finding really hard isn’t what to do physically, but how to plug in and be aware of what’s going on without it filling my head (especially as my brain is still kinda broken). I get flooded really easily these days and aside from just not opening my email, this breathing homework is the best remedy I’ve found (mind you, I’ve also discovered GABA and all I have to say is: niiiiiice!)
Just 10 minutes where I can’t seem to hold anything in my head but this circulating breathing, and I chill… right… out… Golden. I’m used to meditating for 20 to 30 minutes if I sit down at all, which I mostly haven’t felt the time or inclination for. But 10 minutes is a tiny sliver of your day – and if you spend it all focusing on your breathing it seems like frickin’ forever. Golden.
So as I’m trying to plug in and rebuild a smaller life, something scaled down and simpler, I’m reminded of baby steps and how powerful tiny things can be. So take 10 minutes for youself, breathe, be quiet, let go. This one tiny thing is HUGE. Try it.
Valerie Roney 
Thank you for this post, V. Synchronously, anxiety hit me around 2 today. And the sense of dread, that something bad is going to happen or that I’m forgetting something very important. Anxiety, shallow breaths, and part of me very tired. I took today off to get Very Important August errands done. Despite telephone tag, I’ve even done some.
Anxiety might be different than adrenaline, but it shares that fight or flight urge. It just hit today, but for a few days I’ve felt like I’m pushing my luck. (I played cards on Sunday, conservatively for once.) Anxiety might be more negative than adrenaline, but close enough that I tried ten minutes. Trying to spread that anxiety around, up to the dopey part of my brain, smear out from my chest, especially fingers and toes. Put the jangle of nerves into my limbs.
Something different to be moving energy around rather than fighting the energy. Leaves me less afraid of the anxiety. Very interesting how the anxiety kept sproinging back into my chest. Also interesting how good my legs and feet feel. I don’t think I reached the dopeyness in my head. The kind of meditation I infrequently do is different, and less attractive at such times.
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I like what you’ve said about just trying to move the anxiety around, not make it go away. Cool. Never thought of that.
I do know things always go better for me when I don’t resist whatever I’m feeling – especially something I think I shouldn’t be feeling. Acceptance of any sort seems to difuse the thing.
And yeah, this sort of exercise is quite different than what I usually do for meditation. My sitting is much more passive, trying to be “quiet” and just let things be what they are. Gentleness and patience are my catch-words. The breathing is an active thing, a doing rather than a just being.
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Better today. Knock wood.
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