I’m a little at a loss these days, dealing with the delightful problem of feeling better. Seriously, it’s a rather strange and foreign feeling after over 6 months of decrepitude.
My current dillemma is one of how to rebuild my life, and into what? I have so many interests and things pulling at me, I’m trying to remember: while I can do pretty much anything, I can’t do EVERYTHING. I’ve been around long enough to know just making choices based on what’s most on fire at any given point doesn’t always further what’s really important. So yeah, I know that. I’ve spent a goodly amount of time these days thinking about what my priorities are in this current iteration of my life. I know the what, but I’m not sure about the how. I seem to want to set aside some blocks of time for my various priorities, to see that my time gets spent there, but I also recognize I’ve created the flexibility I have in my life for a reason. Sometimes my body says no; it doesn’t care about no frickin schedule, there’s no point in me getting uptight about that.
And I move in a delicate and complex dance with my muse; when I try to force myself to write, I often write cerebral monkey-mind driven pap, and I don’t want to waste a url on that. The flip side of that is the period last summer where I posted every day put me in a space where I wrote things I never even knew were in me. It was an inspiring and transformative time. On the other side of that (flip again!) the strain of that imposed structure ultimately lead to the kind of cognitive burnout that left me with panic attacks and unable to fathom negotiating the complexities of downtown traffic (on FOOT for crying out loud!). So, yeah, I’d like to not do a repeat of that.
So, I’m putting it out there as a question to you all: you contract workers, creative types, beautiful weirdos who are bucking the system and making your own rules. What rules do you make for yourself, what kind of life do you build when you can build any life you want? Hm, that last is maybe a question for us all, really.
When is structure the thing that constricts and impedes you, and when is it the bones of what you can build on?