No, that’s not a typo. There’s your bucket list, that list of things you should do before you die ’cause your life will be better for going out and doing them; but there should be a fuckit list too – for all that stuff you think is a good idea but your life would actually be better if you just let it go.
Fuckit. Had me a bit of a meltdown on Monday. Usual pattern of physical crisis precipitating spiritual crisis sort of thing. Got me questioning what I’m doing and why, ’cause generally I’m doing something stupid to wear myself out; and I get soul-weary ‘when I’m not listening to that inner voice that keeps me on track.
Granted that inner voice hasn’t had a strong calling to shout out lately, what it’s been telling me to do is nothing, and that mostly sounds like I’m not being told to do anything; so I’ve been dragging along feeling rudderless without firm direction. Turns out what has been nudging at the back of my brain has been to do nothing. Or to put words in the mouth of that inner voice as of Monday: I just want to be left the fuck alone to do NOTHING.
I’ve been plunking away at things I think are important and valuable and I should be doing, and it’s left me feeling disconnected and stretched thin all the time. I need what I always need when things go off the rails for me: trees and rocks and water, long solitary walks, time to stare at the sky, and time deeply connecting with people who fill me up and ground me. I haven’t been doing that, I’ve been doing lots of things I really care about and believe in, and even enjoy, but right now, they are not the things for me to be doing. They need to go on my fuckit list for the time being.
It’s a funny thing, taking the good, healthy, beautiful, inspiring and putting them on a fuckit list. I think most of us have figured out how to identify unhealthy, toxic, draining pulls in our lives and to disconnect (or just plain flee) when you know it’s not good for you. Bad relationships, bad habits, bad jobs, clearly a time to put a fuck that shit field all over that crap. But what about things that seem good, heck, really are good, but maybe just aren’t your thing to do? Fuckit darlin’!
I have a post-it practice. Notes stuck on my bathroom mirror, daily reminders of the really important stuff I tend to forget. I’ve got three up right now (lots of important things I forget these days). One of them is a reminder of my path: to help people find their path, with a sub-reminder not to get caught up in other people’s paths. It’s easy to get attached to that enthusiasm and inspiration and want to go where they go, but with so many people going in so many directions, I get strung out trying to tag along. Very wonderful and valuable things going on and very worth doing, but not by me. Hard to let that go.
Another post-it note reminds me I can’t change the world, but I might be able to offer a little place of peace for people in it. So that’s what I’m off to do. The rest of it, well, that’s for the fuckit list.
Valerie Roney 
As a sub-note to this post: some thoroughly awesome stuff I wish I had the energy to put into (but will happily pimp it here):
Awesome Foundation Calgary: micro-funding of just unbelievably awesome things. Their 1 year Anniversary is Thur Apr 26th – you should go!
My directorship at Protospace is winding down, the changes this year have been beyond my greatest hopes and expectations. We’ve got a huge space with no end of cool art/tech/maker/hacker stuff going on. If you haven’t been down to see this space and all the cool stuff going on, GO NOW!
The Alberta Party is a new political party developing in this province, with centrist, progress values. A group of people I really admire and respect; and a great hope for the future of government and civic involvement. We’ve got an election and a lot of change coming up in Alberta, I’d really like to see these guys do well, have some representation in house this term, and be a great balanced option in politics for years to come. So check them out, help them out if you’re so inspired. And no matter what else you do, VOTE!
And the People’s Poetry Festival – all my favourite things: poetry, weirdness, interactive poetry, hitting the streets getting everyone flexing their creative expressive whatnots. Poetry Bomb happing this Sat Apr 21. C’mon poetry BOMB! How can you not get in on that? If you’re reading this after Saturday, be sure to follow them for other cool events and the main event in August.
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I’ve just returned from a trip to France accompanying someone who was doing something on his bucket list and is now able to check it off. I love the idea of having a fuckit list. Life can be like a smorgasbord. Everything looks so yummy – all the colours, textures, aromas, tastes. You say to yourself, I’ll just take a little of everything. When you get to the end of the buffet line the “little of everything” has amounted to an overflowing plate of gastronomic proportions. You start nibbling away at all the tasty tidbits and then the nibbling becomes noshing and the noshing becomes slogging. That’s when the fullness turns to an uncomfortable feeling of bloating and just plain yuck!
I learned something in France. The French not only know how to cook delicious food they know how to eat and enjoy food. At first it sounds like a very unhealthy diet with all the rich creams, cheeses (I’ve never seen so many varieties of cheese, there are stores just devoted to cheese making and selling cheese), pastries (chocolate crosissants for breakfast every morning), sausages (again a head turning variety of smoky deliciousness), and baguettes for sopping up all the delicious sauces left on the plate. But I never saw an overly obese French person.
We lived with a French family so we got to know their eating habits, even on the nights that I treated them by cooking an asian meal. They set aside most of their evening to enjoy each other’s company over the meal. Sometimes the evening starts with the family sharing in the preparation, each person doing their little thing to help the meal get started. All this while chatting and laughing. Once the meal is cooked and the table is set, each course has it’s own time. This is also an Asian tradition. But this slow prolonged way of eating a meal gives the opportunity to really enjoy a meal. You tend to eat smaller portions, to really savour it on the tongue. You visit and your mouth is full of words, stories, repartes, and laughter. You don’t feel the need to stuff your mouth full of food.
One night after I catered a evening dinner party for our friends’ friends we asked them if there was such a thing as a doggie bag for leftovers in restaurants. They didn’t know what we were talking about. There is rarely leftovers from restaurant meals because the portions are just right and if you take a long time for a meal you can finish it because you give yourself time to digest it along the way. And if there are left overs from a home meal they are savoured as a meal the next day. But from what I observed leftovers are sometimes an intended creation. The cook may make a double portion of pasta one night knowing that the next evening meal is made if it’s going to be a busy day or if a partner isn’t going to around to help with the evening routine.
This was a long-winded story to tell you that the first thing on my fuckit list is eating like a North American. I’m going to enjoy long small portioned meals. I’m also going to say fuckit if there is still something on my plate. No mom, I’m not going to eat everything on my plate, if I’m full. I’m going to really know my body and know when to say no more.
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I love your opening analogy to a smorgasborg. I think that’s what I’ve been suffering from, inspiration indigestion – taking a little of everything & getting too much instead of savouring a few things.
And I laughed out loud when you said the 1st thing on your fuckit list was eating like a North America. Huzzah!
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dear Donna and valerie
ow, inspiration indigestion.
I have eaten weeks of home cooking in Denmark and India (Calcutta and migrants to Bombay). But I learned something different. (Thoughtful frown.)
tho, when my Danish-Canadian grandmother was aging, I lived with her for a few weeks so others could holiday. she was confused and forgetful enough that she couldn’t live alone, but she had all her personality. it was a good and special visit. most brunches, breakfasts, or lunches, we spent hours setting out sandwich/ traditional smorgasbord stuff out on the back patio, sitting down, and eating it together. with a wonderful backyard view of the 4 meter wide, slow, brown creek. one meal could take 3 hours, and then supper was a more substantial meal. I liked it just fine, (except when I had a friend of my own that I was trying to meet!) that time, what I learned about eating was very similar. except, Donna, your time in France sounds way more able to fit in with the working world. when someone needs my patience, my first and preferred response is for me to slow way down. I love how it works.
unfortunately, I currently need to unlearn this! and instead learn how to be polite, while speeding up both myself and the slow teammate, instead!
interesting and important,
hugs, shanti
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On my fuckit list:
guilt (easier said than done)
reading books or watching movies about people I dislike
conversations in bars
budgeting
gulls
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hehehe! I love that on “magpie” ‘s fuckit list is “gulls”
p.s. I like your list. Much wiseness!
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birdbaths
suet
gulls
cowbirds
mallard drakes
pigeons
pigeons
pigeons
harpies
pegasi
aircraft
vultures
chickens I suppose
sometimes I wanna be a raven when I grow up
but of course I am far more handsome
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As a follow up, I do have to say I ended up putting about 60% of my life on the fuckit list and as a result ended up feeling waaaay happier, relaxed, and (ironically) way more fulfilled.
Granted, a good chunk of that fuckit list jumped back and started boxing me in the ears this past week, but I’ve got that tossed off and back on the list for good.
My fuckit list now contains:
working on the computer when the sun is shining
working on the computer when there are fun things to do
working on the computer when there are cool people to talk to
(noticing a trend here?)
also included would be shouted shallow conversations in crowded places
doing stuff that doesn’t make me happy
putting up with crap from stupid people who will never learn
getting uptight about stuff before I have to
(procrastination is actually bringing me a lot of joy)
The net result is hanging with lots of cool and inspiring people, lots of naps, lots of walks, and hell, I even had time/energy for a wee run this week!
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