Ironically I went to write about this chapter a week ago, but the first line: Express yourself, then keep quiet captivated me. Something inside of me just went mmm quiet… and I stuck with that for quite some time.
Good thing too, as I was stormy as hell inside. It had been a rough week. The rest of this chapter pulls from the metaphor of weather, and I spent a lot of time thinking about that.
Be like the forces of nature:
when it blows there is only wind;
when it rains there is only rain;
when the clouds pass, the sun shines through.
So I let my life blow, and boy did it blow. Funny thing weather, it’s always changing, it’s easy to forget that and always seek the sunshine. I like my sunshiny self – the one that’s calm, patient, loving, accepting. I think that is who I am, and the pissy, bitter, pessimistic, self pitying person I had to reside in last week is some foreign thing not of me I try and avoid.
This chapter reminds me it’s all weather, it’s all me. No judging. It’s me that decides which states of being are good, which ones are bad; in reality it’s all me, just in different states and circumstances. Being angry about the times my soul gets stormy makes about as much sense as telling the sky not to rain. It’s gonna rain when it’s gonna rain, and the dynamic changes in life are what makes it alive.
It took until I was back in a sunshiny time to see the value in the storm. It’s the dark times in my own life that build the compassion that helps me understand others. When a friend in a depressive episode disappears for a few weeks, when someone is all twisted up love sick and obsessive, a part of me can be in that space with them, understand them, because, hell, I’ve been there. Suffering builds empathy, there’s not really any way around that, and it’s an important skill to have.
Compassion is what makes us most beautifully human. Why I look with such scowling eyes upon the storm that brings it is beyond me. There’s beauty in storms, the power, the turmoil, the churning of light and dark. Some of my happiest moments are ones standing in awe of the electric life of a really dark storm. There are people like Tremaine Lea who’s life passion is going out there and chasing those storms, bringing back images of the dark beauty that most of us are unwilling to leave our comfortable lives to go and see.
I’m going to take that attitude into the weather of my ever changing soul. Stand in awe of the beauty and power of all that churning darkness, knowing that it is part of being alive; the contrast to the gleaming sunshine, all the more sparkly after the passing storm.