I’ve had me a girl-interrupted turn these last few months. When your life comes to a full stop for a considerable period of time it’s hard to pick up the threads of the life you had before, as they seem to have drifted off in the wind somewhere. This is both liberating and disorientating.
We tend to run on habit and routine, losing that can mean a loss of our sense of self and security; but there’s also the opportunity to “start fresh” because you are so far gone bailing on any commitments you may have made. You are faced with deciding to do things because they really matter to you, for who you are right now, not who you were months or years ago when you first fell into that routine.
For me, this time, I am finding this more a refinement than the drastic course corrections I did in my 20’s (and even 30’s) whenever I got derailed. I must be getting closer to figuring out who I am and what I’m about in this world if I’m not tacking all over the course any more.
So, what’s changed? What stays the same? I definitely still suffer from All The Things, so now more than ever I am putting an: interesting, but letting it go on a bunch of stuff. I’m still deeply curious about the What It’s All About, and spend a lot of time thinking about suffering, vulnerability, relationships and interdependence, but I’ve grown all quiet inside again and want to approach that obliquely. It just feels like anything really worth saying on the subject needs to be said with something other than words. More doing, less thinking.
The words I do feel like writing right now aren’t mine, rather the stories of characters who explore the world on their own terms with their own struggles and insights. I feel drawn to writing fiction more now than I ever have before, and because this girl has only got so much brain I’m stepping back a bit from the care and feeding of my website. I’ll still be checking comments and may even drop in once in a while for updates, or insights, or just some utter bloody silliness.
In the meantime, if it’s quiet on here, I’m still around, I’ve just gone fiction-ing.