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Creativity as Dreaming – wisdom on needing, and a rant about dating

Have you ever not known how badly you needed something, until you finally got it? I had that kind of weekend, a lot of gratitude tears were shed. I’ve always been a make-do sort of girl, ’cause life doesn’t always throw you what you want. It took me a long time to make friends with my needs. I had a mentor, used to always say to me: how’s your neediness today? When I stopped getting angry when she asked that I knew I was finally okay with the part of me that knew I couldn’t do it alone.

Funny thing owning up to your needs, it doesn’t guarantee you’ll automatically get them met. So THAT pissed me off for a while.
Read More »Creativity as Dreaming – wisdom on needing, and a rant about dating

Ask Me if I am a Tree

Hey I'm a tree“Ask me if I am a tree…” in my teen years this was my best friend’s favourite riddle. The answer is: “no.”

Yeah… I still don’t get it either; but when you’re hopped up on slurpies and skittles things are funny even if you don’t know why. Questionable humour aside, this may be my new prayer to self centering. But I’ll get to that in a minute.

I don’t know when or how I lost that sense of connection and groundedness I used to have, but I know when I really started to notice it. This summer started a game I have come to call: Pass the Crazy. Everyone in my sphere has been going through some flavour of crazy-making stress, or doing some fine self-generated crazy for internal reasons, or some combination thereof. Including myself, as per being flooded out of my home. Traditionally how things work with my friends is a trading of support, when you’re in the crazy tree you reach out to somebody on the ground. Trouble was, NOBODY was on the ground. It was really just a matter of who was on a lower branch of the crazy tree. So there we sat, just passing the crazy from one branch to another.

I found being a support to whoever was most crazy when I was feeling my least crazy was frustrating and exhausting,Read More »Ask Me if I am a Tree

Celebrating My Failure!!!

Right, so while I was there to watch my friend’s desperate (and successful) eleventh hour crunch to get his 50,000 words in before the midnight deadline–fuelled and inspired by truly awful ninja movies (I think perhaps other people’s bizarre and reckless storywriting gives you permission let go on your own giant brain dump) I was surprisingly happy with my own abysmal failure in the matter.

I didn’t even come close to the 50k mark, but hey! I doubled my wordcount from the five thousand I started with. Considering that first bit took me two years, and doubling it took me under two weeks I have gained a better understand of my capacity and what a bit of push and focus can do.

However, what I’m really happy about are all the things I learned about myself while I was not even remotely succeedingRead More »Celebrating My Failure!!!